Criminal Complicity

Finance, it is claimed by its practitioners, is the equivalent of 4 dimensional Chess and can only be played by the gifted few. It is far too complex for run-of-the-mill human beings to get their minds around. We are the spectators, if not fans, of the thrill of money even if someone else has most, if not all, of it. And, as with all spectators, we are overcharged - in this case not for seats, hotdogs and chips but for homes, mortgages and credit cards. And who knows what else?

I’ve met bankers. More than a few of them, or I’d choose to. They were the ones drinking splits of Champagne when we were drinking pints – you didn’t particularly want them in your round. I’ve met brokers and traders, economists and regulators. I’ve engaged them all in conversation and I have to say that I didn’t find any of them spectacularly smart – especially given their level of hubris. Their choice of idiom made them sound more like real estate agents or used-car salesmen than responsible managers of untold quantities of other people’s money. The term that came to mind to encompass most of them was “lightweight”. I’d long before concluded, from the rich folk I’ve met, that you obviously didn’t need to be a member of Mensa to make a lot of money so I put it down to luck.

More the fool me it turns out. That 4 dimensional financial Chess game was a chimera if not criminal complicity. It may not have started out that way but it certainly seems to have ended up as one. Except, as is now exposed, it isn’t 4 dimensional it is 5. This additional dimension is inhabited by politicians, civil servants and the press - another zone where the term “lightweight” must be applied.

We are expected to accept that the same people can be permitted, without external interference, to investigate a possible criminal case of their own making. How? Why? They can’t be relied upon to prosecute themselves. The Prosecution is already briefed to lead for the Defence. Even though most, if not all of them, were aware of, and thus complicit in, interest rate rigging since at least 2007 they are now rushing to the front of the queue of the innocent claiming false outrage in an equal quantity to total ignorance. Do you expect the pickpocket who stole your wallet to return it to you and face charges of theft? Then why expect these guys to give you your money back.

Maybe the term “criminal heavyweight” is more appropriate.

So what else are they capable of being complicit in - fixing Oil prices, raising Food costs, ramping-up Power charges? How about crime? Where will the trail lead – “follow the money” straight offshore. To the land of NOD – No Oversight Desired. This land can be found instantly by a banker at the mention of the word “Tax”.  Bankers in NOD appear to have assisted in the transfer of $billions worth of laundered money into the USA for the likes of, in one instance among tens of thousands, Russian used–car dealers. The Banks excuse; “our controls could and should have been stronger and more effective”. This sounds a bit less than sufficient given that the bank ignored $60tn worth of wire transfers and account activity and had a backlog of 17,000 account alerts regarding suspicious funds. All of which was known to the appropriate regulators but about which nothing was done.

It’s been a bad week for banking. does anyone care?

An Irish Tweet and Fat Americans

Few will be all atwitter if RTE in Ireland is found to have the same political survival culture as News International, if not quite on a par with the Murdoch brand of such an activity. Those that might help with your cash flow would come top of the list for a free lunch, weekend in the Sauna, spot of shooting, to be followed by a positive or contrived story. The BBC are masters at this but then, given the nature of the business, so is everyone in it.

Irish politicians will need to be very careful about throwing feigned acrimony or denial around or they could find themselves on the wrong borrowed horse. God forbid that someone asks for a Judicial Inquiry or the plods get involved. Even worse RTE could start actually investigating the politicians' relationships with bankers, developers and, drum roll here, journalists! While the British have remained stalwartly wooden in the face of systemic corruption and illegality the Irish love a fight. Given the amount of money that went missing there is no doubt the place, along with many others, is rotten to the core.

The future of that island, both north and south, is in the hands of a political cadre that didn't evolve from socio-economic or democratic principles but from a populist nationalism that has permeated and substituted for what passes as governments' policy since the nation's inception. The Irish have done a remarkably good job in hiding the fact that they had their own Civil War by blaming everyone but themselves. The simplicity of getting elected on this basis hasn't filled the halls of democracy with capable, never mind great, thinkers. This doesn't bode well in the search for a political solution to their present economic problems. But at least they can follow ingrained tradition and blame the rest of Europe. Or, if they take my advice, bury fat Americans.

Fat Americans are an integral part of the global economic recovery. What would happen if they all stopped over-eating or paying more for their XXXXL clothes? Processed and fast food companies would go broke. Thousands in China would starve. Internationally when you get a large fizzy drink at a burger joint it is less than a pint - in the USA it is around a gallon. The same phenomena applies to coffins. So many Americans won't fit into a standard size coffin that super-sized ones are available, on display at funeral homes, which necessitate the purchase of a, likewise, super-sized plot in the cemetery - making the funeral industry very profitable and an ideal candidate for outsourcing.

The same Americans are too big to be cremated and, if you can get them in, burn so hot they can damage the incinerators. We're talking people that can weigh a quarter of a ton here. 6 of them weigh as much as a small truck, so ambulances can't carry them.  The cure for rampant obesity - smoking. It has come to my attention that this explosion in girth has coincided with an equal and opposite implosion of cigarette smoking. Encourage, if not mandate, all fat people to smoke. Give anyone over 400 pounds free cigarettes and they'll die thinner and can be buried cheaper. Health care costs might rise a bit but think of the tax revenue. As 75% of Americans will be overweight by 2020 the US debt and budget deficit should be long gone.