Theory

There is, of course, one very good reason that no matter who is elected they instantly renege on policy promises and revert to getting as much as they can for themselves and their mates before losing the next election -  Theory.  Any word in the dictionary can be placed in front of "Theory" and claimed as a best-practice canon of effective thinking on everything, anything and nothing simultaneously. The best thing about a Theory is that you can have one about things that don't exist, don't work and can't happen and win a Nobel prize for it. This is of little benefit to those supposedly living under it's influence. But given that a real insight is lacking it's better to have a Theory than admitting that you don't have the first clue. Theory is an excuse to stop scratching your head - and justify inflicting your opinion on as many people as possible.

There is little or no point in trying to explain a Theory to the vast bulk of the proletariat and even less in trying to explain one to Politicians - to whom complexity and getting elected are incompatible. This results in Cherry-picking simplistic elements of a Theory for public consumption while leaving the bulk of it's content and ramifications hidden from view to all - including themselves. The need for an aristocracy of thinkers is thus required to develop and prosthelytize Theory. Given that you can have a Theory about everything, anything and nothing then if you don't like one you can find thinkers that come up with another one that you do. This eventuates in conflicting Theories all regarded by their creators and supplicants as indisputable. Upon such things are Policy promises based. Sadly upon such things are nations and societies based.

Which brings me to the Theory of using a cow as a cigarette lighter. This would require positioning cows at all those smoking compounds outside bars, restaurants and office buildings - although for reasons of cows' sensitivities, restaurant locations, other than vegetarian ones, might be a little heartless - unless you blindfold them, but this would cause an additional fire hazard. A Piezo Crystal thingy in the nose or up it's ass would provide ignition. I call this "The Big BIC Theory". This Theory would work a treat in India. It would also provide a purpose for cows past their best milk producing years and make "I'm just popping over to the Abattoir for a quick smoke" common parlance. Even if smokers weren't around, to utilise this flame-off, a burning taper sticking out of all cows bums and noses would have a dramatic effect both on the release of methane into the atmosphere and upon the cost of street lighting. Why no political party in New Zealand has adopted this as a policy promise bemuses me.

Back to the subject of time travel - to a time when cows were pre-industrialised. Why bother? What's the point of arriving in the past and immediately catching Cholera, TB or the Plague and being referred to as "yee" - even if you can't expire. Do you have to take your own toilet paper with you? Anyway time as a continuum is only .... you've got it - a Theory. If it were available time travel would put an end to the retirement age dilemma and reduce health-care costs immeasurably as you'd be constantly sent back to a time when you were healthy and could work for a lower wage - or alternatively sent into the future and be dead. The Time Machine would be called the "See Ya" and located in every hospital, unemployment office, airport, police station and bank thus dealing with any and all social inconveniences at the push of a button.

If everybody had a time-machine would there be anybody left?

Now the Euro. How much would it cost to build a time machine - a few hundred billion, a trillion, ten trillion - certainly a lot less than saving the present financial system. Then we could all keep going back to 2006 and avoid the Global Financial Crisis. Despite the absence of time travel our politicians are attempting to do it by pretending it still is 2006 and using your money to wipe out the intervening years. So here you have two Theories, both of which claim that you can travel back in time, neither of which exist, work or can happen.